Myths about sexual abuse

Common Myths

The subject of rape and sexual assault is surrounded by ignorance, fear and myths:  ignorance on the part of the people who do not understand the brutal reality of sexual violence; fear on the part of the people who are vulnerable or who have been victimised; and myths which serve to minimise the problem and often attribute blame to the victims of rape, sexual assault and child sexual abuse.

We try to distance ourselves from the possibility that we, or somebody we love, could be violated in this way.  As a society, we have adopted certain beliefs and attitudes about the role of the victim in incidents of sexual violence in an attempt to deny the brutality of what actually happens, and to reassure ourselves that it could never happen to us.

Myths and widely held but ill-founded beliefs about sexual assault contribute to the fear that victims experience in seeking help or reporting the attack.  Frequently, people are afraid they will not be believed, or will be blamed for provoking the attack.  This contributes to the silence that continues to surround crimes of sexual violence.  These myths also serve to shift the blame from where it belongs – with the perpetrator – on to the victim.  Women and men who have been raped may agonize over what it was in their dress or behaviour that led to the attack, a question that would be considered ludicrous in any other violent crime.

Myth: You can provoke rape by your dress and behaviour.

Fact: How you dress and what you do is never reason for assault. Compared to other crimes, rapes & sexual assaults see the victim more frequently blamed for the crime and indeed blaming themselves for it. A person may behave and dressing ways which are utterly normal and socially accepted, yet when someone rapes them, they are blamed. Such victim blaming/shaming is a response across almost all cultures and societies.

• Victim blaming hugely compounds the impact of sexual violence on the victim, who may feel they cannot tell/report as they will be shunned and stigmatised if they do.

• People may agonise over what it was in their dress or behaviour that led to the attack, even though it was not about those factors. They may censor and limit their activitiesto avoid being a target of sexual violence, but people of all ages, in diverse situations, are sexually assaulted or raped and thus this censoring and limiting creates a false sense of security.

• A victim/survivor may feel that something he or she did – or didn’t do – led to the rape or sexual assault: They stayed late at the office, drank at a party, took a lift home from a friend or a neighbour, took a taxi. But we do these things regularly and in safety all the time. What turns everyday activities into an instance of rape or sexual assault is the action of the perpetrator: They are the only one responsible.

• In rape, the perpetrator takes advantage of an aspect of a situation which gives them power to rape: maybe because the victim/survivor trusts them; because he/she is alone, or sick, or older; because the perpetrator is physically stronger; or any situation where there is an imbalance of power in favour of the perpetrator. The responsibility for rape lies with the perpetrator, who has used this imbalance of power to subject another person to a traumatic & horrifying ordeal. Many individuals who have been raped or sexually assaulted internalise the blame and shame of what has been done to them and will need a lot of support to see it differently and place the responsibility and shame where it belongs: with the perpetrator.

Myth: Only young attractive people are raped.

Fact: All men and women are subject to the possibility of rape. Research confirms that perception of the attractiveness of a person, in most cases, is not an important factor of the attack.

Myth: Rape doesn’t have to happen; resist and it won’t happen.

Fact: Physical force and violence is always present or implied in rape.  The rapist is in control of how they act, the victim is always reacting.  Whether a victim reacts by resisting, freezing or submitting, the rapist will choose his action regardless.

Myth: People are usually sexually assaulted by strangers.

Fact: The SAVI Report found that 74% of those who experienced rape or sexual assault knew the person who assaulted them. The truth is that most rape and sexual assault takes place within a social or family situation – adding to the victim’s confusion and self-blame.

Myth: People often make false allegations of rape.

Fact: Reporting sexual abuse involves complex, invasive and sometimes traumatic procedures, including a lengthy Garda interview and a forensic examination.  Months later, the victim faces a court appearance where s/he may be cross-examined on the details of the attack.  It is unlikely that a person would put themselves through such an extended ordeal or be able to sustain a story which is not true.

Myth: Sexual violence only happens to an unfortunate few.

Fact: The SAVI (Sexual Abuse & Violence in Ireland) Report (2002) found that 42% of women and 28% of men had suffered some form of sexual abuse or assault in their lifetime. Since then the statistics have risen. The Sexual Violence Survey 2022 shows: Four in ten adults (40%) experienced sexual violence at least once in their lifetime. Women experienced higher levels of sexual violence in their lifetime (52%). In 2022 the National 24 Hour Helpline received 18,400 total contacts.

Rape and sexual assault are in themselves vicious, violent acts whether or not they are accompanied by other violence.  Research shows that the primary motivating factors are anger and the wish to dominate and degrade, not sexual desire.

Myth: Rape comes from overwhelming sexual desire.

Fact: Sexual assault & rape are acts of violence driven by the wish to dominate or degrade. The perpetrator overrules the victim/survivor’s own wishes through coercion or overt violence.

• When a victim/survivor believes that rape is caused by the perpetrator being so sexually aroused as not to be able to help themselves, they often question their own dress, behaviour or demeanour and end up blaming themselves.

• This affects the victim/survivor’s ability to access supports and services, and their expectations of how they will be seen and judged. The supporter or service provider needs to be very conscious of this and be actively non-judgemental.

Myth: Men are not raped.

Fact: Men are raped & assaulted. Assault on men is very under-reported, for reasons such as the way in which men are socialised or fears of being labelled, so it is difficult to be sure of the true extent. In 2022, 15.7% of the 18,400 callers to the National 24 Hour Helpline were male, who experienced rape, sexual assault and/or child sexual abuse.

Myth: Rape can only happen through violence, so if there are no injuries, it wasn’t rape.

Fact: Rape does not always involve physical violence. In Irish law, rape is recognised as nonconsensual sexual intercourse. ‘Non-consensual’ may mean the perpetrator coerced victim/survivor, that is, he or she forced the person using intimidation, threats or fear. Also, some people cannot give consent, such as those asleep, unconscious or under the influence of drugs, young people aged under 17 or people with certain disabilities. Physical violence is not an essential ingredient of this crime.

Myth: If you didn’t say no, it was not rape.

Fact: It is not always possible to say ‘no’. People have a variety of responses to danger. Two survival mechanisms are well known: the ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ responses. However, there are also the ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ responses. A person may freeze up in response to a threat, unable to move or speak. Alternatively, the person may seek to mollify or ‘befriend’ the attacker, hoping that this will help them avoid harm. All these responses are automatic – a person has no control over which way they will react. For some people, therefore, it will be impossible to say ‘no’ as their own survival mechanism prevents it. It does not mean they consent to the activity. Consent must be ongoing and given freely – it is possible to ensure all parties are consenting.

Myth: If you were ok to have sex with the person before, it isn’t rape now.

Fact: If a sexual encounter is non-consensual, it is a crime. Sexual consent is an ongoing process and can be withdrawn. Consent given in a previous encounter does not automatically bestow consent in any subsequent encounter. Person A can decide to stop a sexual encounter with Person B and withdraw consent at any point. Or, Person A can have a consensual encounter or series of encounters with Person B, and then decide not to repeat the experience. Person B may be disappointed, but has no entitlement to consent & cannot force or coerce Person A into having sex because of a past relationship or sexual encounter. If Person B does this, it is rape and it is second only to murder as a serious crime.